A seasonal spin on Keir Starmer’s gifting spree has been crowned the winner of an annual competition to find the best new Christmas cracker joke.
Other clever quips about Baby Reindeer, Oasis tickets and Gareth Southgate also feature in this list of top holiday humour.
The winning jokes have been announced by the nation’s favourite comedy channel, U&Gold, as part of its annual festive competition (now in its 12th year) to find the very best Christmas cracker jokes inspired by the events of 2024.
The recently rebranded channel, U&Gold, challenged the British public to post their original festive funnies to X, which were then shortlisted by a panel of judges and put to an anonymous public vote of 2,000 British adults.
- What gifts will Sir Keir get this Christmas? None, he's had enough!
- Why are pensioners bulk buying Brussels sprouts this Christmas? It's the only way they'll keep the gas flowing this year
- Why is Rachel Reeves in the Nativity this year? She’s collecting inn-heritance tax.
- Why is Santa worried about being stalked? He’s surrounded by baby reindeer.
- Who’s Santas favourite member of Oasis? Noel.
- Why does Father Christmas find going down chimneys easier this year? He’s on Ho Ho hozempic.
- Why aren't there more jokes about receiving Oasis tickets for Christmas? Most people won't get them.
- What do you call a Belgian reselling tickets at inflated prices? - a Brussels tout.
- What’s the Thames Water advent calendar like? It’s full of number 2s.
- Why did Gareth Southgate get into difficulty with the Christmas Club money? He was always late with his subs.
The annual joke competition celebrates U&Gold’s seasonal TV lineup, which includes classic festive episodes of some of the nation’s favourite comedies, ranging from Gavin and Stacey to Absolutely Fabulous and The Vicar of Dibley – alongside much-loved Only Fools and Horses, set to air on Christmas day.
Comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who led the U&Gold judging panel, says, “Another brilliant list of festive funnies from the public – a true testament to British wit! After an eventful 2024, I’m glad to see the nation’s humour bringing a bit of light to some of the year’s headlines! Big congratulations to all the winners, and well done to everyone who entered and put a smile on our faces for a twelfth year.”
Gerald Casey, Director of Programme, Comedy and Entertainment, UKTV says, “Congratulations to our 2024 winners! We’re blown away year after year by the hilarious entries we receive and we love seeing the British public get involved to share the laughs.”
The author of the winning joke, Carlsen Stanton aged (48) from Birmingham, received the top prize of £1,500 towards a holiday, a festive hamper and a box of bespoke U&Gold Christmas Crackers.
The top six jokes are included within bespoke boxes of U&Gold’s Christmas crackers, which will be presented to this year’s winners.
All the jokes voted on by the British public are original content to the best of U&Gold’s knowledge.
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules here